Two Truths and A Lie

Reveal At Your Own Risk

Whoever said, “the truth shall set you free,” obviously wasn’t keeping that scandalous a secret in the first place—

Nor was that person dating in Manhattan.

When you live in the “center” of it all, there is an inherent need to know it all—happy hour hotspots, the best pizza place, where to buy the same shoes for less money, and the list goes on. But when it comes to finding a mate in Manhattan, how much do you really want to know, and more so, how much can you afford to tell?

I’m not preaching dishonesty by any means, but if honesty means that one cannot withhold a little information, then perhaps it’s not the best policy after all.

This is especially true when you’re trying to let someone down easy, or worse, when someone is trying to do the same for you. Recently, my friend bemoaned the fact that a guy she had briefly dated still texted her randomly now and then (aka “led her on”), but never had the courage to tell her directly that he didn’t want to have a relationship with her. My friend felt that this guy should have taken the mature route of telling her that he just wanted to be friends. “Well, what if he doesn’t want to be friends with you?” I asked. “What if he really doesn’t want anything to do with you?”

She seemed a bit taken aback, having never considered such a bleak outcome. “I wouldn’t like that,” she said firmly.

And I can’t say that I blame her. Weeks ago, two of my friends had the brilliant (read: harebrained) idea of signing me up for an online dating site because they were both on it and apparently thought it was the best thing since j-date (no comment). They proceeded to make me a profile and then rate my potential matches on a scale of one-five, five being the highest level of attraction. When I received my first e-mail from the Web site (about 10 minutes later), they leapt in front of the computer in excitement, urging me to open it up. I did so, only to find that the Web site was alerting me to a “mutual burn,” which meant that a guy I had rated a “one” had given me a “one” too. Ouch. Wasn’t online dating supposed to be a feel-good, limited disclosure venue for dating in Manhattan? If this less than favorable exchange had taken place in a bar, it would have involved a momentarily glance, if even that, not a written document that eyed me smugly from my inbox!

Of course, when things do actually work out, the stakes get a bit higher, and suddenly, one person asks the other one what their number is—cell phone unrelated. And, if I may be honest for a moment here, it’s usually we ladies that initiate this question. We do this for two reasons: #1 We are curious and #2 We want to “make sure” that we will not be sleeping with a bonafide manwhore (and, if the man in question IS a manwhore, we want to have time to create a seemingly sensible argument for why sleeping with a manwhore is okay and we needn’t be concerned/guilty/worried about STDs. Note: arguments usually come in varying degrees of weakness). In the end though, how much will this information help us? Do we really need to know how many people our partner has been with to make an educated decision about our next course of action? Is this guy even telling the truth?

The ironic thing about telling the truth is that people hear what they want to anyway, regardless of what you tell them, supporting the fact that true communication isn’t what you say, it’s how what you say is received by others.

So go on. Facebook stalk the ex-girlfriends of your current lover. Google that guy in the bar to see if he truly works at a law firm. Reveal your actual number.

But be forewarned, in Manhattan, the truth doesn’t set you free.

It just makes you a bit more neurotic.


Hi fellow blog readers! Apologies that it has taken me so long to post an entry, but thanks for sticking in there and constantly asking me when the next entry would be posted! Also, a promised shout-out to a college friend who has bookmarked my blog and made a point of randomly telling me this at a bar one night—much appreciated. I’m now back to my weekly posting schedule, so stay tuned for more entries! ~Z